maudite_a_deux: (what oral fixation?)
I just don't get Transformers slash. At all.
maudite_a_deux: (rock stars dammit!)
...or are the scanlations of the Gravitation manga really hard to follow?
maudite_a_deux: (stunned monkey)
104. 10-4. Doumeki/Watanuki trucker AU.

Some days, I really hate my brain.
maudite_a_deux: (Default)
A friend of mine is trying to get a bunch of people to make Love Caps to donate to a cancer treatment facility in a low-income area here in Austin.

I don't knit or crochet, but I figured I could help out by spreading the word. For more info, see her LJ post.
maudite_a_deux: (what oral fixation?)
I've been watching xxxholic, so I went looking, of course, for Doumeki/Watanuki. Found [livejournal.com profile] doumekiwatanuki. And have been reading the archives for the past WEEK. I'm only up to June of last year. It's the busiest fic community I've ever seen.

And yet... and yet... while there's lots of great fic there (I just found one of yours, [livejournal.com profile] lazulisong, but haven't read it because I'm writing this first), what I'm not finding much of is really satisfying fic. I want to see more of these two as adults, and maybe still in denial. I want to know what happened to Watanuki's wish when he turns up as Yuuko's successor. And I'm annoyed by all these high-school fics where they get together and hold hands on the street and kiss at lunch and nobody cares (except the squeeing yaoi fangirls, and ALL the female characters are squeeing yaoi fangirls) and Doumeki's parents are all "tee hee, we love our dead gay son!" (And they never notice that said gay son is coming home with serious injuries, because half the time their entire existence is conveniently ignored.)

Admittedly, part of it is that I just plain can't easily get into fic where the main characters are all underage. (With the exception of HnG, which is due entirely to its amazing fandom and the fact that nobody ever, ever writes Hikaru/Akira shallow and simplistic.) But there's so much interesting future ahead of Watanuki and Doumeki, and I want to see that! I want to see Watanuki become Yuuko's successor in some way other than her announcing one day that she's going on vacation.

(If I were writing it, I'd have Watanuki realize at some point that he doesn't actually want to lose his connection to the spirit world, just the constantly-being-chased-by-it. So he'd go to Yuuko and ask to alter/retract his wish, and she'd tell him she can't do that, and he'd ask if he can make a new wish, and in exchange for his getting to stay tuned into SpiritVision(tm), he pays the price of becoming her successor. Which is probably not the best way of doing it, but it's what occurs to me, anyway.)

I want to see Watanuki grow up and become more temperamental than spastic (I see him becoming the slow-burn type -- he learns to control it, but only for so long before he explodes). I want to see his relationship with Doumeki deepen and mature before they hop into bed together. I want to see how Watanuki becoming Yuuko's successor changes his relationship with Doumeki and how it doesn't. (I want to never see another fic involving the two of them and whipped cream.)

In short, I want more.

So. Any recs? Commiseration? Thoughts?
maudite_a_deux: (Default)
OK, it's bad enough that in fanfic people are constantly biting their (and sometimes each other's) lips until they bleed, but what the hell is with the biting the ear/neck/nipple until it bleeds? How often have you actually done that? Did your partner appreciate it?

I DON'T FUCKING THINK SO.

Yes, I realize I do a lot of bitching for someone who can't write decent fiction, but trust me, I've been around the block enough times to know that unless you're vampires, biting till you draw blood is not generally appreciated.

In conclusion, drawing blood != sexy. You've been a lovely audience. Thank you and good night.
maudite_a_deux: (stunned monkey)
The serial comma is so called because it involves a series or list. For example, "Eggs, bacon, toast and jam." You see how you leave that last comma out? That's the serial comma at work. (Some people believe you shouldn't leave that comma out. That's okay too. Opinions vary. Just pick one and be consistent.)

Serial commas do not mean that you have to leave off the last comma in any sentence that has more than one. For example, "The writer, who really ought to have known better left out the second comma in this sentence because she doesn't understand serial commas." For extra credit, tell me where the second comma belonged, and where a third might arguably, though not necessarily, have been inserted.

You think I'm not serious? I (and I will note here that I got kicked out of high school, albeit for errors other than grammatical) once vetoed the hiring of a former English teacher as a tech writer because she didn't understand serial commas. And boy, was she pissed! She kept calling me until I finally gave in and told her, "There was some misuse of punctuation on your resume."

She not only refused to believe me, she didn't even call me on the passive voice, which is the kiss of death in technical writing. PWNED!

I am not, by any means, a paragon of grammatical perfection. I loves me some split infinitives, I sometimes end sentences with prepositions, and I'm kind of vague when it comes to defining the more esoteric parts of speech. This is all the more reason to take my words to heart. If I know better, anyone ought to. Last grade completed: 10th. SRSLY. Set your bar higher than me.
maudite_a_deux: (Beelzenef)
Once you have been tagged, you have to write a blog with 10 random things, facts, goals, or habits about yourself. At the end, choose 10 people to be tagged, listing their names and why you chose them. Don't forget to leave them a comment (you're it!) and to read your blog for instructions. You can't tag a person who has tagged you. Since you can't re-tag me, let me know when you've posted your blog so I can read the answers!


  1. I love spicy food, the spicier the better. I never met a curry I didn't like.

  2. Three be the things I will never attain: envy, content and sufficient champagne.

  3. When I was little, I used to beg my mother for peanut butter and cabbage sandwiches.

  4. I've had severe clinical depression since my early teens, if not longer. I take a raft of medications for it, but it's a rare day that I feel I've had my head above water for more than a few fleeting moments. Most of those moments are provided by fanfiction.

  5. I live in Austin, TX and I don't care how cool the place is supposed to be, I don't especially like it here. Unfortunately, I can't afford to move at the moment. If I could, I'm not sure which coast I'd move to; I have ties in the SF Bay Area and DC, and reasons to love and hate them both.

  6. My porn name is Cassiopeia Buckingham.

  7. I've been unintentionally single for ten years, although lately I'm finding I'm so used to it I'm not sure I want to change the status quo.

  8. My remaining cat, Iceberg Slim, is named after a pimp. He's curled up with his head on my left arm right now.

  9. I just got a tech writing job at IBM after a grueling eight-month job hunt during which I had to resort to working at a garden center to make ends meet.

  10. When my house was on fire, I rescued my cats first and my guitars second, and only then thought to call 911.


I'm not tagging anybody because most of my friendslist has already done this meme. Feel free to pretend I tagged you anyway if you want.
maudite_a_deux: (Default)
Yesterday I had my amazing cat of 17 years, Daddy-O, put to sleep. His kidneys had failed and there was nothing more to be done for him. I couldn't stand to watch him suffer any longer.



I miss him so much it's physically painful. I can't stop crying. And it's time for me to leave for work, which I can't afford to skip because the vet bill was a big chunk of cash.

Life is not fair, ever, at all.
maudite_a_deux: (damn fangirls!)
More stuff I hate:
  • Fics set in Japan where all the OCs have Western names like Taylor and Amber.
  • Songfics. Period. But especially when there are more song lyrics than story.
  • Summaries that proudly proclaim that the characters are all OOC. What's the point?
  • Fics where character names are written as they were phonetically pronounced by some Japanese voice actor rather than the way they're actually spelled. I mean, I can even sort of forgive Raito, but Edo and Aru are infinitely obnoxious, and K as 'Crawd Winchester'? Ow, my head.
  • Sex scenes that start out fine, and then suddenly have a jarringly bad phrase that ruins it completely. Like, for instance, "She felt a lump against her bum."
In conclusion, not only is 'arousal' still not a body part, neither is 'excitement'.

You know, "The Bum Lumps" wouldn't be a bad band name.

Okay, yes it would. It would be a terrible band name.
maudite_a_deux: (Bitches)
If I ever see the phrase "the blonde banged boy" again, I'm going to do... something rash.

Christ, people, why can't you just use the characters' names? It's much less obtrusive than the desperately strained phrases you come up with trying to avoid repeating the name. Really. Honest. I can produce published authors who will tell you the same thing.
maudite_a_deux: (what oral fixation?)
Perhaps someone could explain to me why I've lost all interest in my "real" lj, preferring to spend all my time over here with a bunch of (really cool) people I haven't met.
maudite_a_deux: (dignity.)
I finally got around to reading Deathly Hallows. And since I'm probably the last one to have done so, I feel reasonably safe in saying: crap, JK didn't leave much room for slash, did she?

Now back to the porn.
maudite_a_deux: (superfluous boy)
I just realized that none of my RL friends have so much as emailed me for about two months now. Without my small but loyal cadre of online friends -- and all the lovely porn on my friendslist -- I would have no human contact outside of work at all.

Thanks for the porn, y'all. Seriously. I don't know what I'd do without it.
maudite_a_deux: (Default)
From [livejournal.com profile] incandescens, I present to you More Than Somewhat -- the sad facts about the break between Snake Eyes Midou and Ginji the Spark. (A homage to Damon Runyon.)

It is a thing of veritable beauty, ladies and gentlemen, and I cannot recommend it highly enough.
"Well," says Ginji. "It turns out bright and early this morning that we have a caller at our residence, and that this caller is none other than Doctor Jackal, who is not wishing so much to enquire as to our health as to ensure the lack of it. And it is while Midou and I are leaving the premises through the back window, out of a desire to take a healthy jog in the fresh air, that I notice that Midou has red stains on his shirt. Naturally I assume that this is because he has been hit, so I suggest to him that we go to see a medical gentlemen of our acquaintance, one other than the Doctor currently at our door, who is not the sort of doctor who is at all in favour of bandages.
maudite_a_deux: (stunned monkey)
I've been collecting these for a while, and today I just felt like posting them.

Band Name, Rights, Mine: Wicked Moth.
When Aya gasped at the feel of Yohji’s wicked moth slanting over his, the blonde used that as an opportunity to insinuate his tongue into the red-head’s sweet mouth.


Band Name, Rights, Mine, the Sequel: Death Ears
The hollow wailing of the wind as it sweeps the land clean, the empty weeping noise created by the rain as it bombards the forsaken....my hated....all fall on death ears as I throw my head back.



Unfortunate Word Choices:
A bowel of rice covered with plastic wrap, a few plastic containers with take out, a package of raw beef, enough ingredients to make stir fried beef for dinner, one of the only meals that he had mastered over the last year.

Wow... they've got everything they need to make haggis!

Her large breasts giggle beneath her one size too small white shirt as she strides across the room to greet them.

I've... got nothing.

At lunch instead of getting a lunch box and sitting in the employee lounge with his cubical mates he had gone shopping.

Is 'cubical' better or worse than 'square'? What about 'tubular'? Assume a spherical bishonen...

“Due to certain public indiscriminations that our client’s son took part in,” he pauses to give Schuldig a knowing look, “our benefactor has decided that they would be more comfortable with someone else filling the position of our client.”

Well, okay, that's a fair cop. Schuldig is pretty indiscriminate.

"Well you defiantly need stiches.”

I SHALL NOT REST UNTIL I HAVE RECEIVED STICH... SITCH... SNITCH... Oh, fuck it. Just sew me up.


Hooked On Phonics
He turned and walked quickly towards [the door], hoping K would have some mercy on Hiro... or at least on Yuki's apholstry, and not shoot the singer's best friend.

Okay, the spelling is bad enough. But when did Yuki's sofa become Shuichi's best friend?


Interesting Guesses:

crashendo
sir name


I do not think that means what you think it means:
Hisoka had just managed to find the spot where the sun sneaked past the curtains and was now sitting on the ray of light illuminating his blond hair and reviling the sparkle in his emerald eyes.


Summary Executions, all due credit to [livejournal.com profile] mctabby:
Tohma ends up being attached to his new orphans, but accidentally sells one of them to a brothel.

Even better than 'accidentally' selling your husband's previous wife's ashes at a yard sale.

Eiri is on a train that derails and gets crushed with boulders. Shuichi decided to tag along. lemon M/M

Now, there's a surefire setup for buttsex. But wait, there's more. The title of the story is, yes, you guessed it: "Train Wreck."
maudite_a_deux: (Your mother dresses you funny)
Dear Fandom:

'Discrete' is NOT a fancy way to spell 'discreet'. It means something completely different. Indeed, the two terms are entirely discrete (separate, distinct) from each other. When you mean 'circumspect' or 'subtle' or 'keeping your mouth the hell shut', you mean 'discreet'. Please stop confusing the two, before I am forced to go on a highly indiscreet tri-state shooting spree.

In other news, 'indiscriminate' behavior might lead to an 'indiscretion', but there is no such thing as an 'indiscrimination'.

In conclusion, 'arousal': STILL NOT A BODY PART.

Oh, fuck it, I think it's time to post my File O Hilarity.

Sour notes

Feb. 29th, 2008 07:42 am
maudite_a_deux: (Bitches)
First order of business: [livejournal.com profile] beautifulfic, I owe you an email and I haven't had the juice to type up the several pages of notes I took while waiting for an excruciatingly long print job at work. I will eventually get to it, and thank you hugely for offering to let me bounce things off you.

Next: Something else that's been jarring me lately when I read fanfic is how often I see taciturn, tough-guy characters suddenly turn around and start referring to their partner as "love" or "baby". This is not something that comes so quickly -- if ever -- in real life when you're dealing with this sort of character, particularly the strong, silent type.

Maybe I'm just projecting; while I'm not the strong, silent type, I do suffer from an excess of pride and serious intimacy issues. The point being that it takes me months, if not years, of being in a very close relationship before I'll use any kind of pet name with anybody, and even then it's not "baby" or "love" or "sweetie". (Those names are reserved for my cats, with whom I have no shame.) I call my partners by name. I'm too concerned with my dignity to say anything I consider "cutesy". Cute bugs me. I'll call people "baby" in a joking way, but it's usually dripping with sarcasm.

The point being that people like, say, Aya, Crawford, Kanda, Mori, Kyouya, Satoshi, Touya, etc., really shouldn't suddenly turn into Mr. Romance just because they had buttsecks a few times. Even getting any of these guys to admit they like someone would be a real chore. It's going to take a while before they're comfortable enough to talk about their feelings. In some cases, they may *never* actually admit to it. And that's a lot of the fun of writing characters like this.

Which is not to say none of these characters could have a romantic side. They might make romantic gestures out of the blue -- even really grand ones -- before they're able to actually come out and say how they feel. I can see Aya quietly filling a room with lit candles and flowers and then trying to act like nothing's out of the ordinary -- but I can't see him calling anyone "baby".

Anyway. Yeah. I think about this stuff way too damn much.

On that note, if anyone's looking for a beta for oneshots or shortfic, let me know. I write for a living (technical writing), and while I'm not much of a fiction writer, I can edit fiction like nobody's business. I'm very thorough, I have magic typo radar, and while I'm excellent with grammar and such, I work with the style of the writer. Flow is more important than perfect grammar. Clunky sentences are something up with which I shall not put. I'll also comment on continuity, characterization, etc. as much as seems reasonable. And! I'll be nice about it! (But not *too* nice.)

I don't have the bandwidth to take on anything too long right now, but I'll gladly do oneshots or shortfic, even if I'm not familiar with the fandom.

And lastly: Everybody but me is in love with "Bump Of Chicken", but I find them unlistenable because the lead singer is always just a tiny bit flat. I have perfect pitch, and it makes my teeth ache.

Most of the songs don't seem all that strong to me, either, but it's a little hard for me to tell when I can only listen a few seconds into the vocals. I tried, I really did. I've listened to a bunch of their songs now... 30 seconds or so of them, anyway. I just can't get through them.

You may feel free to bludgeon me now.

holy crap

Feb. 25th, 2008 04:17 pm
maudite_a_deux: (Default)
Kim Jae Wook is so pretty it shouldn't be allowed.

maudite_a_deux: (Beelzenef)
I have these opinions, see. They're irrelevant to anyone else, but sometimes I just have to spew them anyway. I'll probably manage to offend at least one person on my friendslist with this, but I'm tired and cranky and feel like venting, so.

  • Near is asexual. I absolutely cannot picture Near in any kind of romantic or sexual relationship. It's not even because he's obviously autistic, because I know a couple of autistic people who are in relationships. He's just 100% obsessed with two things: solving cases and playing with toys. He hasn't got the interest or time for anything else. He's also not emotionally adult enough for a relationship. Which is not to say that Mello or Matt are emotional adults either, but they're a hell of a lot closer than Near is.

  • Akabane doesn't deserve a happy ending. I realize he's a fascinating character, but honestly, people, he's a psychopathic killer who shoots scalpels out of his body. He's not capable of a caring relationship; by definition, psychopaths (and yes, he really, really is one, really, I don't care how hot you think he is) are not capable of caring about anyone but themselves. If Akabane got emotionally or sexually involved with someone, it would be a purely egotistical and/or manipulative thing on his part. Every time I see a story where he has a cute kitty and he snuggles with Ginji, it makes me grind my teeth.

  • K/Sakano: just say no. In fact, anybody/Sakano is just plain a bad idea. Sakano is a comic relief character. He has no actual substance. You'd have to write a hell of a convincing backstory to make him anything but annoying, and there's nothing about him that interests me enough that I'd want to read such a backstory if it were written. I love obscure side characters and odd pairings as much as the next girl, possibly more, but I just don't see the value in Sakano.

  • Aya is not a weepy uke. And I'm infinitely sick of seeing him portrayed as some kind of idiotic sexbot who'll do anything with anybody Just To Kill The Pain. Aya is proud and prickly and self-contained. If he were to have casual sex (which I think is unlikely), it would most definitely involve him very consciously using his partners; regardless of whether he was top or bottom, he'd be very much the dominant partner. And I can think of no circumstances that would get him into bed with any member of Schwarz. No, not even as part of a mission. Aya would never accept such a mission in the first place. His sister is the only thing in the world that ranks higher than his personal dignity, and that's a very near thing. I don't think he'd whore himself out even for Aya-chan. Unless your U is very, very A.

  • Al/Hawkeye: don't make me laugh. I don't know what else to say about this one, really -- I just find it utterly insupportable.

Once again, these opinions are endorsed by nobody but me, and nobody actually listens to me anyway. I just felt like spewing. But now it's past my bedtime. Anon.

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