Sour notes

First order of business: beautifulfic, I owe you an email and I haven't had the juice to type up the several pages of notes I took while waiting for an excruciatingly long print job at work. I will eventually get to it, and thank you hugely for offering to let me bounce things off you.

Next: Something else that's been jarring me lately when I read fanfic is how often I see taciturn, tough-guy characters suddenly turn around and start referring to their partner as "love" or "baby". This is not something that comes so quickly -- if ever -- in real life when you're dealing with this sort of character, particularly the strong, silent type.

Maybe I'm just projecting; while I'm not the strong, silent type, I do suffer from an excess of pride and serious intimacy issues. The point being that it takes me months, if not years, of being in a very close relationship before I'll use any kind of pet name with anybody, and even then it's not "baby" or "love" or "sweetie". (Those names are reserved for my cats, with whom I have no shame.) I call my partners by name. I'm too concerned with my dignity to say anything I consider "cutesy". Cute bugs me. I'll call people "baby" in a joking way, but it's usually dripping with sarcasm.

The point being that people like, say, Aya, Crawford, Kanda, Mori, Kyouya, Satoshi, Touya, etc., really shouldn't suddenly turn into Mr. Romance just because they had buttsecks a few times. Even getting any of these guys to admit they like someone would be a real chore. It's going to take a while before they're comfortable enough to talk about their feelings. In some cases, they may *never* actually admit to it. And that's a lot of the fun of writing characters like this.

Which is not to say none of these characters could have a romantic side. They might make romantic gestures out of the blue -- even really grand ones -- before they're able to actually come out and say how they feel. I can see Aya quietly filling a room with lit candles and flowers and then trying to act like nothing's out of the ordinary -- but I can't see him calling anyone "baby".

Anyway. Yeah. I think about this stuff way too damn much.

On that note, if anyone's looking for a beta for oneshots or shortfic, let me know. I write for a living (technical writing), and while I'm not much of a fiction writer, I can edit fiction like nobody's business. I'm very thorough, I have magic typo radar, and while I'm excellent with grammar and such, I work with the style of the writer. Flow is more important than perfect grammar. Clunky sentences are something up with which I shall not put. I'll also comment on continuity, characterization, etc. as much as seems reasonable. And! I'll be nice about it! (But not *too* nice.)

I don't have the bandwidth to take on anything too long right now, but I'll gladly do oneshots or shortfic, even if I'm not familiar with the fandom.

And lastly: Everybody but me is in love with "Bump Of Chicken", but I find them unlistenable because the lead singer is always just a tiny bit flat. I have perfect pitch, and it makes my teeth ache.

Most of the songs don't seem all that strong to me, either, but it's a little hard for me to tell when I can only listen a few seconds into the vocals. I tried, I really did. I've listened to a bunch of their songs now... 30 seconds or so of them, anyway. I just can't get through them.

You may feel free to bludgeon me now.

While I'm peeving

Dear Fandom:

'Discrete' is NOT a fancy way to spell 'discreet'. It means something completely different. Indeed, the two terms are entirely discrete (separate, distinct) from each other. When you mean 'circumspect' or 'subtle' or 'keeping your mouth the hell shut', you mean 'discreet'. Please stop confusing the two, before I am forced to go on a highly indiscreet tri-state shooting spree.

In other news, 'indiscriminate' behavior might lead to an 'indiscretion', but there is no such thing as an 'indiscrimination'.

In conclusion, 'arousal': STILL NOT A BODY PART.

Oh, fuck it, I think it's time to post my File O Hilarity.

Unintentional Hilarity

I've been collecting these for a while, and today I just felt like posting them.

Band Name, Rights, Mine: Wicked Moth.

When Aya gasped at the feel of Yohji’s wicked moth slanting over his, the blonde used that as an opportunity to insinuate his tongue into the red-head’s sweet mouth.

Band Name, Rights, Mine, the Sequel: Death Ears

The hollow wailing of the wind as it sweeps the land clean, the empty weeping noise created by the rain as it bombards the forsaken....my hated....all fall on death ears as I throw my head back.

Unfortunate Word Choices:

A bowel of rice covered with plastic wrap, a few plastic containers with take out, a package of raw beef, enough ingredients to make stir fried beef for dinner, one of the only meals that he had mastered over the last year.

Wow... they've got everything they need to make haggis!

Her large breasts giggle beneath her one size too small white shirt as she strides across the room to greet them.

I've... got nothing.

At lunch instead of getting a lunch box and sitting in the employee lounge with his cubical mates he had gone shopping.

Is 'cubical' better or worse than 'square'? What about 'tubular'? Assume a spherical bishonen...

“Due to certain public indiscriminations that our client’s son took part in,” he pauses to give Schuldig a knowing look, “our benefactor has decided that they would be more comfortable with someone else filling the position of our client.”

Well, okay, that's a fair cop. Schuldig is pretty indiscriminate.

"Well you defiantly need stiches.”

I SHALL NOT REST UNTIL I HAVE RECEIVED STICH... SITCH... SNITCH... Oh, fuck it. Just sew me up.


Hooked On Phonics

He turned and walked quickly towards [the door], hoping K would have some mercy on Hiro... or at least on Yuki's apholstry, and not shoot the singer's best friend.

Okay, the spelling is bad enough. But when did Yuki's sofa become Shuichi's best friend?


Interesting Guesses:

crashendo
sir name


I do not think that means what you think it means:

Hisoka had just managed to find the spot where the sun sneaked past the curtains and was now sitting on the ray of light illuminating his blond hair and reviling the sparkle in his emerald eyes.

Summary Executions, all due credit to mctabby:

Tohma ends up being attached to his new orphans, but accidentally sells one of them to a brothel.

Even better than 'accidentally' selling your husband's previous wife's ashes at a yard sale.

Eiri is on a train that derails and gets crushed with boulders. Shuichi decided to tag along. lemon M/M

Now, there's a surefire setup for buttsex. But wait, there's more. The title of the story is, yes, you guessed it: "Train Wreck."

Fic rec of the century

From incandescens, I present to you More Than Somewhat -- the sad facts about the break between Snake Eyes Midou and Ginji the Spark. (A homage to Damon Runyon.)

It is a thing of veritable beauty, ladies and gentlemen, and I cannot recommend it highly enough.

"Well," says Ginji. "It turns out bright and early this morning that we have a caller at our residence, and that this caller is none other than Doctor Jackal, who is not wishing so much to enquire as to our health as to ensure the lack of it. And it is while Midou and I are leaving the premises through the back window, out of a desire to take a healthy jog in the fresh air, that I notice that Midou has red stains on his shirt. Naturally I assume that this is because he has been hit, so I suggest to him that we go to see a medical gentlemen of our acquaintance, one other than the Doctor currently at our door, who is not the sort of doctor who is at all in favour of bandages.