Look away from the train wreck:

Roy sat at the captain’s bridge, watching the Bebop a few miles ahead of him. He sighed, his mind filled with thoughts of curly greenish black hair, chiseled features, and spikes. Spike. Spike. Spicky Spooky Spike-diddly-ike-dyke-dyke. He wished Maes was there to talk to him, that he never set eyes on Spike, that he never took on this stupid mission, that Spike was underneath him thrusting- -- Fullmetal Bebop

The story at also least hints at Ed/Jet, Armstrong/Faye, and Kimblee/Vicious. And then they land on Jupiter! Tragically, I had to stop reading when my housemates pounded on the door and demanded I keep the howling down, since I was otherwise unable to control my wails of mingled agony and mirth.

It was a mercy, really. Chapter 4 promises lemons.

If I never see the words "pre-cum" again, it will be too goddamn soon.

I just don't know what to say about this one.

All of a sudden, Ginji stopped dead in his tracks.

“B-Ban-chan! SHIDO! I CAN’T MOVE!” he half-whispered, half-yelled.

“Ginji… don’t try to struggle.” Ban moved toward Ginji and as soon and he was within two metres of the other Get Backer, his foot stuck fast and could only move very slightly.

“It’s a very, very powerful magnet, Ginji. It’s holding us down by the iron in our blood.” -- Itsumo

YARRRRGH, THE ANGST, PLEASE MAKE IT STOP!

"In his darkest moments, Harry felt that somehow it was his own personal failure, that he was responsible for each Death Eater attack -- each victim. He’d felt each with a piercing agony equal to the plunging of a knife in his heart. If he’d been able to read the bastard’s intentions, he could stop him. But his only success had been in keeping the Dark Lord at bay from his own thoughts. Both Professor Dumbledore and Remus Lupin had told him it was a considerable feat in its own right, and not to downplay that accomplishment. In fact, only two others had been as successful at keeping the Dark Lord out of their minds: Albus Dumbledore and Severus Snape. Harry loathed being grouped with the spy in any manner at all. However, the knowledge that he was in such a select group had initially been a source of satisfaction to Harry, but, lately, it’d chafed. It simply wasn’t enough. With each victim, the guilt he carried seemed to weigh more heavily upon his already burdened soul.

With a groan, the lanky wizard shut his eyes, covered his face with his forearm, blocking out the light, and swore viciously and profusely. The thought that everyone he loved was eventually killed in the ongoing struggle to defeat the psychotic, self-styled Dark Lord writhed malignantly in his mind. His parents had been the first. The fact that he couldn’t remember anything about them wasn’t relevant. He missed their presence in his life; had always missed it. Perhaps if the Dursleys had been any other type of family, and had welcomed him, it might’ve been different. Regrettably, the reality was that his aunt and uncle were miserable excuses for human beings, let alone relatives; and they’d never missed an opportunity to abuse or humiliate him.

Rolling over on the narrow bed, Harry buried his face in the pillow as his brain inexorably pulled him down the well-worn path of the fallen. His losses hadn’t been limited to those he loved. Harry remembered Professor Quirrell in his first year at Hogwarts. The man had disintegrated before Harry’s eyes as a result of touching him. What a horrifying truth: his touch was deadly. That image alone had haunted his dreams. He hadn’t touched or hugged anyone for months following the incident, especially Ron or Hermione. He’d been terrified that the same result would occur. It’d taken the entire summer at 4 Privet Drive to truly accept the Headmaster’s words; that it wasn’t his touch, but rather, that his mother’s love had formed a semi-permanent ‘shield’ against Voldemort’s murderous intent.

He’d been able to put that death into perspective..."

Thank goodness he's such a well-adjusted young lad.

I present to you: Al Franken/Bill O'Reilly, posted from my other lj account. I mean, is that line a fanfic challenge waiting to happen, or what?

( Look at Al Franken, one day he's going to get a knock on his door and life as he's known it will change forever. )

"Draco couldn't help laughing. A silent sad laugh. A laugh he had laughed every year after reading the epitaph. What an epitaph!"

Author name and story title withheld to protect the guilty.